So you’ve just moved to the area. You know it gets hot in North Dallas but you haven’t experienced it first hand yet. You blow off the warnings because you are too excited about all the adventure and promise the idea of summer brings. But summer here is equivalent to the dead of winter in the northern border states. You don’t go outside unless you are fully prepared.
So here are a few tips to survive your first summer:
- Invest in the vacuum insulated stainless steel tumblers. Yeti, Arctic, Swell, it doesn’t matter which, just get one for everyone so you don’t have to ration your water supply. I know it’s expensive but it is a matter of life and death here. Go ahead and leave it in the car for that quick errand, it might be hot to the touch when you return but ice remains on the inside!
- Your water bill will be high. You will need to water your house foundation, keep your landscape alive, keep your pool from evaporation and keep your Yeti filled. You do more laundry and shower more often because sweat like a hog. Our first summer the June water bill was over $1000 and we don’t even have a pool.
- Hats & sunglasses aren’t just for fashion, they are full-out survival gear. The only thing not bigger in Texas is the trees, that is why they call it big sky country. Big sky = lots of sunshine. Suddenly a sombrero will make perfect sense.
- Pack an umbrella. No, not for rain. The sun. Unless you heeded my warning in number 2 and invested in a sombrero.
- You will sweat, like a hog. Therefore you want to make sure your sweat areas that pool like your pits, crotch and under the boobs are covered with either black, white or patterned fabric to hide the inevitable sweat stains.
- Pack a coat. Yes, it does get cold in Texas in the summer…indoors! You go from 108 to 68 when you enter a business or restaurant. That is a 40 degree swing plus you have a layer of hog sweat on you so you freeze inside and melt outdoors. There is no in-between.
- Water based frozen treats are better. Snow cone places start popping up in parking lots like jack-in-the boxes. You won’t find a lot of ice-cream stands because dairy doesn’t last 5 seconds in this heat. I tried to buy ice-cream bars as an after practice treat for my son’s sports team and many boys flat out refused it with a polite “no thank you ma’am” and parents looked at me like I had a third eye. Next practice a Texas native mom brought popsicles and they practically hosted her on their shoulders in a MVP celebration.
- Everything melts. Crayons left in the back seat of your car, cheap flip-flops to the pavement, and the deodorant you thought you could keep in your glove box melt. Even your will to live will melt away. You will have no energy to do anything. Your bucket list of summer activities will melt into days staying indoors checking social media to envying your friends on vacation up north and letting your kids play video games or watch movies.
- Rethink your outdoor activities. Biking…your tires will melt on the pavement. Hiking…only to view a brown scorched landscape with vultures circling overhead. Camping…burn ban on campfires. Even simple activities like drawing with chalk on the sidewalks or going down a slide at a playground risk 3rd degree burns. It even gets too hot to swim during the day, night swimming or early morning are your golden hours for water. If you insist on trying a waterpark, at least wear shoes so your feet don’t combust on the pavement in between the long lines for the water slides.
- Go north. At some point you will need to just get relief from the constant heat. Even once the sun goes down, it’s still hot. There is no cool of the morning. It starts hot and ends hot so you best have a getaway planned before you go mad. Make sure to take some pictures and post it them on social media.
Now that you are prepared, have a fabulous first summer in Texas!